Written 12/4/2011
Funny when you start something good it’s kinda hard to stop. I’m not ready to introduce my blog to the world just yet, because I’m just posting random thoughts right now, but hopefully I will muster up the guts to put it out there. Baby steps, you know? One of these days…it’s feels kinda awkward, because right now it’s as if I’m talking to myself. I guess that’s what it’s supposed to feel like in the beginning. I’m actually blogging for me at the moment.
It’s been raining all weekend here and I find it interesting how the weather truly can take a toll on your mood. I haven’t been in the best of moods lately and the weather is just maximizing the “blah” feeling. I actually LOVE the rain. I just love the rain when I’m feeling good. November was an emotional roller coaster for me. It wasn’t life-altering or drastically changing, but I had to let someone go and it was for the best. I made the right decision in doing so, but you know the “after effects” when you realize the routine is different, the phone calls stop, no more visits or outings, and the person you once thought would be the “ONE” turned out not to be; it kinda hurts a little, you know? I’ve been in bed all weekend, not crying or sad, but in deep thought about the direction of my life.
I just turned 33. I’ve accomplished a lot, but I still have such a long way to go. I’m trying not to get down on myself about it by reflecting on the things I’ve been blessed to receive. I’m at a point in my life where my time is very valuable. I know exactly what I want and where I want to be. The question is if I’m truly ready for those things. Am I really ready for marriage? Starting a family? Starting a new career path? My heart says yes, but it’s a little scary to me! The thought of sharing my life with another person day in and day out seems beautiful, yet overwhelming. I guess it wouldn’t be so overwhelming if I was in love. Ha! Love. I miss that. It’s an incredible feeling to be in love. Where there is love, there is no fear, no question, no doubt, no confusion. God is not the author of confusion and God is love. It’s all intertwined. I love that! That’s puts a smile on my face and brings me reassurance. Whoever God brings into my life will be a reflection of God’s love. Unconditional, unwavering, everlasting, eternal love. Yes!!! That’s what I need! Someday my KING will come!
Which brings me back to my original question, am I ready for him. Yes, yes I am. Family? Yes, I am. Career? Yes, I am. I’m ready to receive and I will patiently wait. The things I can change I must change. 2011 is approaching its end rather quickly. 2012 will be here in 26 days. I don’t do resolutions. I just do it. What are you ready for? Do you think you can handle it? If not, what steps are you taking to prepare yourself for what you want?
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