Saturday, January 14, 2012

It Sucks Being A Girl....Sometimes!

Ahhhhh, the joys of womanhood!  Menstrual cycles, well woman exams, poking, prodding, probing, it's all fun and games until you have to face the dreaded day of meeting with your gyno!  Yup, I feel like I've been poked and prodded more than I can stand in these last few weeks.  Although I got the green light on all my test results, I still had the ultimate nightmare at the gyno today.  If childbirth is anything like this...I don't know if I'm ready for it!  LOL!!!  I was a little bit of a wussy, but I still took it all in like a champ.

I went to my followup appointment about my uterine fibroid condition.  My doctor wanted to give me a saline ultrasound to accurately locate the fibroids, check the size of them, and determine the next plan of action as to remove them or not.  I really didn't go in with any expectations.  I read that the procedure was simple and I'll experience a little discomfort, but nothing too bad.  Discomfort is an UNDERSTATEMENT!  I usually have a high tolerance for pain.  I got two tattoos:  one my back and my wrist!  But this was not cool!

Basically, I undressed from the waist down.  Put my feet in the stirrups (yea, that's sexy) and the doctor placed a speculum inside my vajayjay to open up my cervix and uterus.  Then she inserted a catheter into my uterus, which really wasn't too bad.  I felt a little cramping, but nothing I couldn't handle.  The discomfort came when she poured saline into my uterus.  The saline liquid was supposed to open up my uterus or make it contract for a better view of the fibroids.  The contractions felt like mild to moderate menstrual cramps.  I just closed my eyes and took long deep breaths through it.  Unfortunately, the saline kept leaking out of my uterus so she had to reposition the catheter a couple times to get it right -- which led to more cramping!  Ugh!!!!  It was horrible!  When it was over, I sitting in the biggest wet spot of saline and bodily fluids.  I know!  Gross, huh? But hey, it what it is.  But that wasn't the worst part of it.

Next up, biopsy!  She needed to do a endometrial biopsy to check the cells for any traces of cancer or other abnormalities.  Again, I didn't know what to expect with it, but she said it would feel similar to the catheter, but just a few pinches.  I would feel some discomfort.  So she inserts the speculum, swabs, all that jazz, and she tells the nurse "biopsy"!  Mind you, I'm nervous and EXTRA tense!  She kept telling me to relax my legs and open up, but I just couldn't get it together.  I don't know what kinda tool she used, because I knew she was trying to get it over with.  It just looked like a large metal thingy.  Hell, I can't tell you what it looked like!  Cool, calm and collected, I'm lying there feeling this pressure and then this massive cramping, and all of a sudden I must've jumped out of my skin for the mere 10 seconds she was probing my uterus!  It was like a 10 quick shots to my insides and when I tell you that sh*t hurt like HELL!!!  Imagine, for those of you with tattoos, the artist poking your uterus for 10 seconds with a tattoo needle!  Yea, that's how that felt!  OMG!!!!  It was longest countdown of my mutha-loving life!  I keel over just thinking about it.  Next thing I know, it was over.

Afterwards, all I could do was lie there, holding my belly, unable to move for about 10 minutes.  I never felt anything like it.  It  felt like severe cramps or labor contractions.  The kind that have you bent over ready to throw up or lying on the bathroom floor in the fetal position sobbing like a baby! Suprisingly, I didn't cry or cuss out my doctor through the procedure.  I was very tense, but I stayed calm thru it all, wincing in pain.  I pray this will be the first and last time I ever have to go through this.  The whole procedure took about 20 -25 minutes.  If you ever have to go through an endometrial biopsy, make sure you take an ibuprofen BEFORE your procedure.  I made the mistake of not taking anything until afterwards.  Within about an hour of taking some pain reliever, I felt better.  The cramps dissipated and I was back to normal.  You'll want to take the rest of your day to relax.  Also, expect spotting or bleeding a few days after your biospy.  It's perfectly normal to bleed for about a week.  However, if you notice anything unusual, such as, heavier than normal bleeding, odor, or abdominal pain contact your doctor immediately. 

There you have it!  FunkyHairChic's Misadventures At The Gyno!  I had to share this, because I'm sure someone is either facing or has faced this before.  I just wanted to give you my take on it.  Never again, Lord!  Never again!  I pray all comes back clean as a whistle!  Lord knows, something good has to come out of all of that!  LOL!  Whew....


  1. am scared of the Gyno too, and child birth!

  2. LOL! The gyno is so not fun! This is why "drugs" will forever be on call when I'm giving birth. Without question.